Good lord. Has it really been 10 years since I graduated high school? Should I reflect? It’s so hard to say it now though. “I’m 28″. Not that I care about getting old, but I felt like I was clinging on to 27 for some reason. Every time someone would ask my age, I would respond “27!”, and then whisper “…turning 28 this year”. Do I feel 28? No. Actually, what should a 28 year old feel? On one side, there’s an image of someone well into their career, with a wife (maybe kids), and a bed time of 10-11. Then I realize there’s a ton of other 28 year olds out there that still go out (even on weeknights!), and have the presence of a 21 year old. What’s good? Appropriate? I have no clue. You would think 10 years after high school would provide enough time for a person to really solidify their foundations, personality, direction in life, goals, style, beliefs…
I can honestly say that I’m just about as clueless as I was when I was turning 18. But I kind of like that. “No direction in life” can lead someone to call you a slacker. But I’m no McFly! As long as you can handle your ****, then go ahead and be directionless! What’s the point of planning out your life? I hate when I have to fill out development plans at work and have to answer the dreaded “Where do you see yourself in 5 and 10 years?” I always write the same things: management, director, R&D. You know, things that make bosses smile and nod their heads. Honestly though, my mind can’t comprehend that for some reason.
Recently, I’ve been dealing with identity. Yes, something that should’ve been dealt with in college right? At least that’s what I was told. But, God decided to throw a wrench into my gears, and it really gave me a jolt. My “plans” weren’t really working out the way it should have in my career. What was going on? I all of a sudden found myself really depressed and defeated. I felt ashamed and even envious of others around me at work, where things were working out for them. And that’s when I realized how much I valued my worth with my career.
Warning: God talk ahead.
I am constantly having to remind myself what this life is about, to whom it’s for and why I live it. I sometimes need to take a step back, and zoom myself out, like you do in Google Maps (at least that’s how I see it), and really put everything into perspective. The fact is whether you see it as awesome or not, we’re all going to die. Now hold on, I’m not being emotional here. Just take it as a statement of fact. When I do this “zoom out”, the world really does “fade away”. What I’m left with is the Father who calls me his friend. He calls me his son. He finds worth in me, enough to die for. He calls me to join Him in His work, giving me gifts and talents along the way. This…this is what I’m living for. Not my title at work. It’s what the Father above thinks of me that I’ll hold on to. Besides, all authority on earth is given, and I know who’s in control. My life is not work. Work is just a part of my life.
Some birthday present God. I am wary of what God wants to teach me at 30…
I guess I need to end this with some wise words. I think this will do: Be teachable. If there’s anything that I hate about getting old is the fact that you can be more stubborn. Not me. Yes, I pray that my character would not waver like it did in my younger days, but at the same time, I hope that I can always welcome change in my life. An obedient and flexible heart and mind is the best form of canvas that God can work with. BOOM. Print it, frame it.
(That took way too long. I’m going to stick with posting pictures and dumb things from the internet)